concussions `

Thursday; January 11th `07

thank you so much to even have the time to go through this blog.like how somebody has put it before,id like to put it the same way..this blog has caused much unrest.

then again,even without it..it still is.

so,i leave all of you with what's left.thanks again.

i'll be back on writing again once i really feel like it again.

goodbye.

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 1019 pm

Thursday; January 4th `07

counting down the days to 2007 seem to pass by so fast.

it didnt start with a bang either.

to cry or to smile?

i dont know what to do anymore.

it feels like the sweet innocent child-like attention is being focused somewhere else.i dont personally seek attention but,i need it at times.for right now,it feels like i have to ask for it,then it'll be given.

see all those people laughing and couples kissing?i need that now.

for reasons i cant comprehend,i find myself at the lowest point.

come and kiss my tears away.fill me with endless hugs,kisses and consoling words to heal this lonely heart.

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0206 am

Tuesday; January 2nd `07

growing older.

a new list of resolutions.

happy new year everyone..=).

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 1219 pm

Tuesday; December 19th `06

you know what i would love to do right now,while its heavily raining outside?cuddle up with my boyfriend in bed while watching,The Notebook.even though it means,forcing him to watch it,=).eventually,he'll like it..i assume.

gosh.the world has gone berserk on everyone.there's too much happening around me,too quickly for me to even have the time to realize and say something about it.

one by one.love crushed their hearts to pieces leaving me standing there motionless,not knowing what to do but wishing that i would know what to do to make them feel better.

the things that im learning in life right now is not beneficial.due to the fact that they are happening to people that i care about hence,are deeply heartfelt.leading me to be all clingy and smothering as if im a small kid.

that is why i constantly find myself asking this question.how can you be sure that only love itself can sustain lies,temptations and jealousy?

i,always think of worst case scenarios.when,he always tries to cool things off by being positive.and now,im freaking myself out.eeerh.

my passport picture turned out perfectly..sleepy.

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0149 am

Friday; December 15th `06

i cant sleep unless i blog about this.

this may sound crazy in so many different ways but it may be thought provoking too.

i just watched Skeleton Key and it struck me.

i am a very superstitious person,but it has got nothing to do with what i believe in.which is only,god.then again,i cant help it but realize that there's still such things,such as black magic.how is it possible that even with god,these things can be much more magnificient in power(if used) than what god has taught us?

is it because we simply believe that it can hurt us and simply forget about god at that instance?is that why these things happen to us,like how it is potrayed in that movie itself?

and,if there's black magic,is there any such thing as good magic?one which is used to heal people?

i am not questioning this because of this movie,you must know.its like i keep on getting precautions subconsciously.

or,maybe,my mind is too submerged by this movie.

i am freaking myself out hence,i shall just have a smoke and go to bed.

on a final note,

HAPPY 14TH MONTH,LOVE!. =)

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0318 am

Friday; December 8th,`06

finally.

my contacts are like nad-ddah. people,update your msn messenger contacts and add me.just click on email/msn and you'll get my email address.

thank you very mush.=)

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0126 am

Monday; December 4th `06

what am i doing?

its sad when you realize that the things you use to hate or criticize are the things that are turning their backs on you,slapping you in the face,reminding you about how you use to be.the things that you use to hate are having the good qualities that you had once.

trial attempts of restoring the behaviour altruistic in me has so far,backfired.

i dont blame anyone in specific for causing the permanent damage yet,@ the same time,i cant say that no one didnt do so.yes,it is for the better of a human when someone else tells you to live off whatever bad doings people has done in the past and to change and live for the better.and yes,if you put your mind to it,you can do it or learn from the past.but the thing is,those advices starts to sound cliche when things are actually going your way for the first time.

for so long,you've been so used to living in vulnerability,knowing that most things dont last forever yet you still let patience and faith in until,the one last point where your system becomes numb feeling as if,you need to stand up for yourself.

however,i believe,a soft stroke can soften the most hardest chord.

hence,you are so afraid that the ill incidents are going to recur again which explains the extra safety precautions that i take.furthermore,living with the fact that i have done an unreasonable,stupid mistake to hurt someone so dear,adds salt to the already deep wounds because i have never ever taken back my decisions,no matter how much it hurts and have the heart to shatter an innocent hope.

plus,that is a minus point to my impression and ego.once,you have a concrete evidence of a mistake,it will follow you for the rest of your life.no matter how much you argue,you are still in the wrong because you know,you've committed a bigger mistake than what is currently being argued about.then,guilt sweeps you off your feet just to let you fall flat on your face while snatching away your ability to speak words of beauty for peace.

that's what kills me..

i,shall fight all my demons and let strong patience along with silence,sacrifices and love take the lead.it is now or never.

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0316 am

Friday; December 1st `06

i cant sleep and am practically blogging in nothing but a huge,oversized,windy tshirt and my hair is tied up in a rather unfalattering way.my eyes are tired,but somehow my mind just wouldnt switch off.so,as you can see,there's nothing much of a turn on there.

moving on now.

last night was not even close to great.it was awesome.slept over his.and what do you know,you have 3,fully grown-up adults,scared shitless because of a harmless,flying cockroach.if we were to be filmed @ that point of time for a reality series,the audience would be laughing their teeths out all over the place.

harmless?yes.flying?a humongous freaking no-no.i was all sound and running,but no killing.for heaven's sake,if you were to freely hand me a harmless butterly for a photoshoot,i would cry out loud for dear life.what more,a flying cockroach.the mr did the honour and caught it.see the twist was,the mr's sister,smacked it like nobody's business.

it felt like a gazillion years since i had that kind of fun.not mentioning,the wake-up calls..=).

even though it was a distant escape from reality,it was pure bliss.

im beginning to fall again.this time,hard.even though i know i may be a pain the arse most of the time,its only because of the reason that only you and me can comprehend why @ the end of the day.its coming back,the tingles.and i know this time,i am going to change for the better if i put my mind to it.like i said,a relationship is nothing if sacrifices arent made.despite that,the most important thing is to complete each other in a way that even when one of us is @ the utmost misery,you will know that when you look back upon your shoulder,im gonna be there to look you in the eye,tilt your chin up and no matter how terrible the situation is,tell you that everything is going to be ok.and you'll be safe in my arms..

i love dancing oh so passionately to Chris Brown's,"Say Goodbye".

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0409 am

Tuesday; November 28th `06

apa yang terjadi dengan hatiku?
ku masih disini,menunggu pagi.
seakan letih tak mengangguku,
ku masih terjaga,
menunggu pagi..

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 1235 am

Sunday; November 26th `06

april shower?please,accompany me.

crushed.

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0242 am

Saturday; November 25th `06

dear projectshop,
forgive me for i have sinned.i reserved a dress once,but didnt get it.and just now,my make up smeared upon trying 1 of your delicious black tops.the affair is emotionally depressing for me,as your collections never fail to tempt and seduce me.this is what i shall get next.

since retail therapy is general,with great pleasure,i would like to announce that Ripcurl,my workplace that is,is now carrying a new winter apparel brand.its called,Burton.despite the fact that we only carry winter apparels,t-shirts and acessories,the shirts prints are quite..pretty.the lanyards and wallets are not dissapointing either.

and,the new stocks for Volcom ladies and Reef ladies footwear are in.so,check them out.

self-promotion is never a disadvantage. =)

yes,i still embarassingly relate to Britney and yes,the usual,super soft,metrosexual currypuff man offered to bring me something for my weak kidneys and pimples.

i am working @ Marina Square's,Flash N' Splash later.unnerved,i have no idea on what to expect nor their staff's expectation.

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0130 am

Thursday; November 23th `06

this is what a 19 year old girl would do when she's bored out of her wits and when her medical leave has officially ended.

this is my ala Justin inspired picture.

took random pictures.so,my snaps section is updated.

mummy,do i have to go to work?

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0348 am

Tuesday, November 21st `06

the verbal battle of the egos is beginning to be emotionally agonizing and tiring.revenge takes charge for the subconscious satisfaction of one's insecurity.sadly,water is yet no where to be found.just wild fire,spreading with no cause and no end.save the tingles from further depleting due to the cause of the mislead of lust.when unexpected answers are given,dissapointments occur.then,the heart suffers intense fear and self-consciousness.innocent child-like attraction and priceless pampering sacrifices,similar to unconditional love,will be effective.sacrifices is yet to be seen beacuse it is very often spoken of,beating the actual purpose.

to say,is to murder.yet,the silence itself is too loud to bare.when will the guards,brawns,vanity and external attention be brought down to nothing but frail,selfless emotions?

flashes of post pictures,filled with doubts.blame it on the retrospective of being conservative,abiding strictly to the natural duties that men and women were born to do in a marrige.when intially tying the knot,actually means endless,unconditional love and equality between a husband and a wife.

have i lost my mind?

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0220 am

Saturday; November 18th `06

those happy dance moments. =)

i am an avid blogger as long as my medical leave lasts,thank you very much.so you'll see daily posts.

about my job,i wil leave it until after the big bonus.i really need to start saving from now.im seeing driving license and mass comm for the upcoming year.i want it,i will get it.no more insyaallah's.im getting no where and i wanna be some where,desperately.

i,like it or not..am growing older.the essentials for a good future is a must.yet,a notorious tinge of an innocent child is like a daily innoculation.

now,is an appropriate time to imagine how pleasant it is if money was as easy as leaves falling down from trees in autumn.

who are you.

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0831 pm

Friday; November 17th `06

its a great feeling to look back over your shoulder and smile,knowing that someone you hold very close to your heart is going through one of the best moments that you once had too.

despite the cranky morning,empty stomach,familiaruncomfortableplastic chairs
and endless waiting,it was worth it.

the victor,1st in class

and psst..my 10 year old brother's friend,has a huge crush on me.

=)

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 1201 pm

Thursday; November 16th `06

the in laws came today. =)

sometimes i sit down and think.the fact that im 19 and still very much a kid @ heart,pretty much bothers me.most of the time,i feel that somebody whose more elegant,mature,dominant and determined is meant to have my seat.as you can certainly see,i am so the opposite.

you must not know about me.

i bet you're not even reading this blog.

whats the point of babbling?

so,for right now..i'd rather live a day on its own.

i hope the movie,13 going 30 goes on some time soon because im feeling miserable now.quick,something cheer me up in the mean time. =(

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0953 pm

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

what ive been missing on.

the 8 to 9 am sunrise,the morning breeze across my cheek and the opposite buildings staring @ me while im laying sideways,hugging my pillow in bed =)

i didnt want to alter this picture in any way like the usual.because usually,i would love pictures to be in black and white to make its time value more meaningful despite how recent it is taken and besides,pictures look much more heart-warming in black and white to me.they are the immortalised sentiments that you hold close to your heart everytime you miss some place or someone associated in that picture.but this picture,has been something i love going through for 19 years of my life.and like every picture,if i dont have it in my daily life,i'll miss it.the new breath of relief and hope it provides me is unexplainable.

turns out to be,another ambulance actually had to send me to the hospital.ok..remember my entry before this?i know im long winded,but i'll attempt to make it short.

on the 9th,i was @ work and really wanted to go home because i was super sick.was shivering to my bones.my manager looked me up,was terrified by my condition and let me off.my colleagues,offered to send me to the taxi stand but my stubborness stood in the way.moving towards the taxi stand,which was opposite my workplace,my stomach felt uneasy and i quickly ran to the nearest toilet and vomitted with relief.with my fever rising above my head,i felt as if i was about to pass out,so i just laid still.to my shock,i heard noises of a stretcher and some medical equipments.in my mind,i was panicking.and who the heck called the ambulance?then,i started vomiting again..this time with streaks of blood.

the most painful thing about that incident is that,how,to my reference,a lady..said,"she's faking it" within my hearing.in my reference i suppose she's a nurse.another thing is,the aftermath.the embarassment of having people actually think i am a fake.saying it to my face.assuming things like,"this girl,confirm got past 1,maybe thats why want to kill herself inside the toilet",just because to their mind,the ambulance looked like it was dissapointed by yet another fake call.do they really know enough to assume their perspective right?i forgive,but i wont forget.i was practically crying my eyes @ home thinking of how i'll cope the next day,despite the high fever.

BUT,guess what?i was actually admitted to the hospital on the 11th.so,you people wanna take back your words and pity me now?NAH.

i was admitted for a petrifying side effect of a medicine and kidney infection.and today,i was just discharged.and i have a week of medical leave.so,im doing quite ok right now.alhamdulilah.

so you see,most human beings share the same,shallow,sad,sickening assumptions.they say or do something bad first,then,think.

me?i'll just smile and watch the world go round.

P/S:sweetheart,1 year,2 months,=D.

alhamdulilah for all the things that we have,we've gained,we lost and we learned from you,Allah and each other.whatever happens,happens for a reason.and for what we are lacking in,we have each other to count on to keep each other's faith strong to strive and be determined.love you stronger every day,sweetheart =).i wouldnt trade you with anyone else.

ouh and..ive decided to stop smoking eversince the kidney infection hit me.about time,hurrah!

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0453 pm

Saturday; November 11th `06

i am still numb and sick.i cant feel what im eating.and i dont feel right sleeping.

i was so afraid that people had something to talk about or had it in the papers the following day.i have no idea which smartass also called the bloody ambulance.

i am resting now.

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 1145 am

Saturday; November 4th `06

he drives me up the wall.he insults me with his asset of knowing the Malay language better until,i refuse to talk to him.he drinks a nice,warm cup of coffee mixed with milk every morning.he is hooked to an amusing,malay comic,Ujang.he comes out with witty jokes that would make me laugh to the point that i need to pee.he fancies latin ladies (and i fancy justin timberlake) =P.he will forget to do some things despite the fact that ive reminded him a gazillion time.he brings me white rose occasionally.

and that,ladies and gentleman,is a brief introduction of my crazy ass boyfriend.upon all those things,there's still a lot of other plus points that i wish to hold sacred and keep myself smitten.thank you very much.*blushes*.

nauseating?i know. =).

how sweet of my dance friends to drop by my workplace after their competition.very proud of them.after so many trials,they got it finally.they deserve it.

cant wait till tomorrow.*whistles*.

end.

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0110 am

Friday; November 3th `06

first of all,selamat hari raya,maaf zahir batin to all fellow Muslims.

good morning sleepyheads.after a long,silent departure,your good ol` blur,young lady who lives by babbling about fashion or any new celebrity gossip or talk about her own problems,then reflect and share,is back to stroke all your egos again,in every way. =)

and,ive been up all night doing nothing useful except working on my pretty new blogskin and lip-synching to Cassie's,"Long Way To Go".

okay.so,any embarrasing incident that has happened to any of you out there?cause`,i came across mine,this morning.

hurrah!and so,i thought i was home alone.not until when i stepped out of my room to realize that there were an audience of 2 people who were in for a flash show.furthermore,i was late for work.to their humour,i..had only my bare hands to cup my you-know-what.

all thanks to someone who didnt inform me.thanks eh.

absolute madness!

; a lil bit of somethin' else | 0627 am